Listening Skills
Improve your listening skills with the tips in the following two articles.
Enhance Relationships at Home and Work:
5 Steps to Becoming an Excellent ListenerBy Pat Swan"Nature has given to men one tongue, but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak." Epictetus, Greek Philosopher
How well we listen determines the quality of our connections with others whether at home or work. Yet, most of us did not master excellent listening skills in our family of origin. In fact, most of us haven’t taken any formal training in the art of communication. And, as far as communication goes, listening skills are definitely the key. Luckily, anyone can learn listening skills. Excellence is developed with practice. The following steps will help you sharpen your listening skills.
1. Maintain good eye contact with the person you are talking to. Eye contact is imperative in conversation, and makes it possible for you to sense the underlying emotions as well as to assess facial expression and body language. Good eye contact says you are listening and are interested in the person and the conversation.
2. Empty your head of your own agenda, and listen to what the speaker is saying. This is especially difficult if you disagree with what the speaker is saying or have another opinion. Remember, you will have your turn to speak. Overcome the temptation to jump in with your own opinion until you have truly explored what the other person has to say. (This is particularly hard if you happen to be talking with your teenager!)
3. Check out what you have heard by stating what you thought you heard back to the person you are speaking to. Say something like, "What I hear you saying is… Is that right?"
If the person you are talking to agrees that you heard accurately, great! If they say, "No, what I said was…" – believe them. Don’t argue or come back with, "That is too what you said." It is amazing how many times individuals I am working with in communication skills will argue with their partner about what the partner said or meant! We all have a tendency to distort somewhat based on our own experiences. That is why reflecting back what we thought we heard is important.
4. Ask open-ended questions about the content or information being shared. Open-ended questions cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." They invite the speaker to give you more information and to expand on what they are saying. Open-ended questions often start with "how" or "what" or "tell me more…"
5. Try to imagine how the person you are talking to feels about what they are talking about. This is a skill called "empathy" and is essential for close, meaningful conversation. Share back your sense of how the information is impacting them, such as, "That must make you happy." Or, "It must be hard for you when that happens." Connecting on an emotional level shows you are listening and truly understand them.
If you practice these five steps for improving your listening skills faithfully, you will be amazed at how much better your relationships will become both at home and at work.
About the Author
Pat Swan, M.S., CMFT: Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, Trainer, Author of Watch Out! Your Relationships Can Be Hazardous To Your Health. Visit her on the Web at www.RelationshipSkillville.com or send mail to pat@patswan.com. Reprinted from Zongoo.com Daily Press & Consumer Information.
Improve Your Listening Skills Immediately!by Stephen D. Boyd
We are good at talking, but we have trouble listening. One sage said, "The only reason we listen is because we know we get to talk next." Here are some tips that can change your listening skills now.
Names! First, repeat a person’s name when you first meet him or her. This will make you listen first and talk second. You want to have a mental set to become a better listener, and repeating a person’s name will help you do that. Don’t hesitate to ask a person to repeat the name the second time, especially if the name is unusual. You are showing concern for the other person, which is an important aspect of listening. Use the person’s name in your response. "Is this your first time here, Suzanne?"
Ask a question! Second, when you are anticipating making a comment on what a person has said, ask a question instead. This will keep you listening longer, and often the added information will help you make a higher quality contribution to the conversation. Get information before you give information.
Pause! Third, don’t rush to answer the phone when it rings. Pause a moment so that you can be mentally ready to listen to the person calling you rather than thinking about what you were doing when the phone rang. Taking these few extra seconds to think will make you a better listener from the beginning of the phone conversation. In addition, listen as though you are going to report the message to someone else. This keeps you focused on the main reason or idea of the call.
Streamline! Fourth, eliminate clutter around the phone and your desk so you won’t easily be distracted when you are talking by phone or have a person talking to you in your office. Notes, pens, folders, clocks, and knickknacks can distract you, and you may not even be aware of the distraction until you realize you have no idea what the person just said.
Choose your time! Fifth, when possible choose your listening time during the part of the day when you are mentally alert. If you are a morning person make your most important appointments, interviews, or phone calls during that time. If mornings are difficult for you, make afternoon calls. You lose listening acumen when you are tired physically or mentally.
Admit! Finally, don’t be afraid to admit that you’re having a hard time listening and make necessary adjustments. You might say, "I’m sorry I missed that last point. Please repeat that for me." Or "I’m having a hard time concentrating; let me move to another chair." Or "Could we pick up the conversation at a later time this afternoon? I need a break and some lunch." Any of these responses will tell people that you want to listen to their messages, and that what they have to say is important to you.
Some listening skills, such as suspending judgment, dealing with biases, and avoiding daydreaming, take time to develop because of the mental self-discipline they require. Following these tips, however, will improve your listening skills immediately.
About the Author
Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is a professor of speech communication at Northern Kentucky University in Highland Heights, Kentucky. He is also a trainer who presents communication seminars and workshops to corporations and associations. See additional articles and resources at www.sboyd.com.
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